Headlines for the Week for June 18th, 2018

Flying Cars to Take Off in Ingolstadt

Long time listeners may remember a few months ago I mentioned Audi’s partnership with Airbus to start developing flying cars. As a refresher, these were very loosely termed cars. Basically it’s a three-part design, with a quadcopter, passenger pod and electric skateboard-like platform. The pod can be transported by either the quadcopter or wheeled platform, making it either flying or car, but not really “flying car.” I said at the time that the idea was pretty neat and more likely to succeed than any other system I’d seen and, sure enough, Audi has just received approval from the German government to start testing these in their headquarter city in Bavaria, Ingolstadt. Now, this is a long way from being like “oh my God, we are all going to be catching flying car taxis from the airports within five years,” but it’s a lot closer than I thought we’d see in my lifetime, so I’m hoping this actually goes somewhere. Onward and upward, Audi.

Volvo’s New US Plant feat. Dig @ Trump

In a time when automotive manufacturing jobs can be hard to come by in the US, who can we trust to bring back those jobs? Yep, the Chinese and Swedes! Volvo, which is owned by Chinese company Geely, formally opened their new factory in South Carolina, which will build the new S60 we’ll get to later. In addition to providing Volvo the chance to suck up to American buyers by focusing on the $1.1 billion investment in America and the 4,000 jobs the factory will host when construction is complete, the event gave Volvo execs the chance to cast some serious shade at Donald Trump and his supporters Nikki Haley and Governor Henry McMaster. Volvo CEO Hakan Samuelsson said “If you have trade barriers and restrictions, we cannot create as many jobs as we are planning to. We want to export and if suddenly China and Europe have very high barriers, it would be impossible. Then you have to build the cars there. And then all cars will be more expensive, you have to invest more tooling and have every model in every country. That’s against all the logic of modern economies that trade with each other.” It seems there’s a lot of commentary about our trade policy being against all logic, and yet here we are, threatening a 25% tariff on imported vehicles and auto parts. It’s almost like logic doesn’t factor into decisions at all, but what do I know, I’m only a master of business with a degree in political science who happens to like his cars cheap and fast.

Audi CEO Arrested, Thrown in Slammer

^Criminal

The fallout from the Dieselgate scandal continues still in Germany where this week Audi CEO Rupert Stadler was arrested based on concealment of evidence relating to the defeat devices on Volkswagen Auto Group vehicles. He’s actually remaining in custody because the prosecution thinks he’s a flight risk. Audi has had to scramble to name an interim CEO while their boss remains a jailbird, but this just continues to look bad. If the CEO of one of your major brands was aware of the effort to deceive authorities, former Volkswagen CEO Martin Winterkorn is probably shaking in his boots because you can bet he knew about it too. It’s a serious problem when a culture of corruption comes straight from the top, and you would’ve thought Volkswagen had learned its very expensive lesson, but by keeping Stadler as Audi CEO this long after the scandal came to light, maybe they need a couple more billion dollar settlements before the root out all the corrupt jerks. I’ll take my settlement in the form of a V10 R8, thank you.

Teslupdate #1,000,000,000

This will again not be the week when we have no Tesla news, because there was some wild shit going on with Elon Musk’s company this week. First, the not-so-wild: tesla completed the setup of a third production line over the weekend...in their parking lot. Yes, the new line is underneath temporary tents outside because the space is needed that badly to ramp up production to meet goals. Back when the factory was a combined General Motors and Toyota venture, they managed to crank out 8,200 cars per week from the inside of the place, so if Tesla needs to move outdoors just to reach 5,000, I think you can imagine how much more complicated those production lines must be and how much more space they take up.

Amazing work by Tesla team. Built entire new general assembly line in 3 weeks w minimal resources. Love u guys so much! Pic of 1st Model 3 dual motor performance coming off the line … pic.twitter.com/Xr55P3fmGd

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) June 16, 2018

Next came some serious shade thrown from General Motors. Actress Mary McCormack who you may remember from some sort of television shows somewhere, tweeted out a video of her husband’s Tesla Model S, which apparently just started catching fire while he was driving it and burst into flames in the middle of Santa Monica Boulevard. Tesla has no idea what happened or why, but GM jumped at the opportunity, offering the actress a free Chevy Bolt as a more dependable loaner car. Nicely done, GM communications guy Ray Wert.

Okay now we get to the crazy shit - on Sunday, Elon Musk sent out an email accusing a former employee of sabotage and intellectual property theft, as well as leaking sensitive information to third parties and the press. He followed that email up with another about someone potentially trying to sabotage a production line by starting a fire. Then on Tuesday Tesla filed a lawsuit against a former employee for allegedly having stolen confidential information and making false claims to the media. Then on Thursday, someone claiming to be a friend of Martin Tripp, the guy Tesla sued, called the Gigafactory to warn that Tripp was coming in to shoot up the place, causing a minor panic and for beefed up security until the county sheriff found there was no credibility to the threat. Then AFTER THAT, Tripp posted to Twitter an email exchange that he had with Musk about the lawsuit wherein they both called each other horrible human beings and generally behaved like children.

We’re not yet sure if the Sunday email and Tuesday lawsuit are connected, but if not, that means there are several people trying their darndest to mess up Elon’s life. And jeez, people if you like constant dramabombs being dropped, no need to watch daytime television, just follow Elon Musk on Twitter. This is ridiculous.

J.D. Power Initial Quality Honors Hyundai

The annual list of J.D. Power rankings for initial quality were released this week and, if you’ve been listening to this show and looking at their recent cars, you won’t be surprised to learn that Genesis, Kia and Hyundai are the top three brands. All of them being owned by Hyundai. Even Porsche comes in at just fourth spot and Ford in a somewhat unbelievable fifth. The trick is, the initial power rankings count the number of problems experienced per hundred vehicles in the first 90 days of ownership. If things are going wrong within 90 days, that’s generally not a great sign for future reliability, but certainly not a sign that cars with good initial quality will last longer, as may be the case with Ford. They also don’t measure the severity of problems, so a busted transmission is effectively the same weight as a windshield wiper motor squeaking, which is pretty misleading. Furthermore, as I’ve discussed before, automakers pay JD Power for the right to use their awards in marketing materials, so these sort of non-firsthand user reviews should be taken with a grain of salt. Nevertheless, Hyundai definitely deserves a look as they do make some pretty nice cars. Just, as with everything else, QUESTION EVERYTHING.

RC-6 Corvette

While I’ve never driven one, It’s my understanding that Corvettes are very fun cars to drive. But in the Netherlands, where people decided they’d rather have land where the sea was so they built a complex series of windmills to drive the sea back into the ocean, one man has gone and made his Corvette a bit more complex as well. Specifically, he modified his C6 Corvette to be remote controlled. We’ve seen full-sized R/C cars before, but doing so to a Corvette is an entirely different scale; one that cost about $4,000. It’s honestly really impressive that someone could pull this off, but I still think I’d rather be behind the wheel of that V8 rather than just puttering it around a parking lot. But that’s the Dutch for you - defying convention, and the ocean.

Authored by
Devlin Riggs

Header image: When your GTI is the least athletic member of your automotive family tree.

Headlines for the Week of March 5th, 2018

The Year of the ...Truck?

After a wild Detroit Auto Show when all three big American brands showed off their fancy, shiny new pickups, and on the heels of a market clamoring for bigger, butcher, gas-guzzlier vehicles, 2018 was decreed the year of the truck. So how are we looking two months in? Like maybe declaring what year this was in January was a little premature. Pickup sales were down a whopping 15% in February over 2017, which itself was not a great year for motor vehicle sales. Analysts are chalking it up to a “continued softening of the market,” which is a polite way of saying nobody is really buying cars right now. I think the best way to drive sales though, is to probably start accusing buyers of softening the market, to which all the super insecure guys will probably respond “No, you're a soft market! I'm hard all the time. Gimme that truck!"

Detroit Auto Show to Move to Fall

Speaking of the Detroit Auto Show, it usually kicks off the year every January, a time where it has to compete for attention with the Consumer Electronics Show, which is increasingly a car show as cars are increasingly consumer electronics. The idea has apparently been presented to move the North American International Auto Show in Detroit to October, when there’s less competition and the weather isn’t so shitty in Michigan and carmakers can do some things outside of Cobo Hall. The problem is, the show takes a whopping three months to set up, and there are events in the hall during those months, so the show would have to scale back on the extravagance or find another time altogether. Given that automakers have started sitting out some shows, and many didn’t come or brought a reduced presence to Detroit this year, not to mention the political pressure a trade war might bring, moving might not be the answer to the Detroit Show’s problems. 

Michigan Forgives Where Illinois Doesn’t

Also in Michigan, the state has forgiven $637 million in fees owed by drivers so the people in debt can get their licenses back. Those extra fees were a part of a scheme from the governor in 2003 to plug a budget hole by tacking on extra fees for traffic tickets committed by people with more than 7 points on their licenses. Of course, it’s not good to get any points, and perhaps if you’re such a bad driver that you rack up so many citations that your license gets revoked, maybe you shouldn’t get it back. But your tickets shouldn’t drive you into poverty such that you can’t afford to get it back. There are some stipulations regarding who can get their licenses back when, but most of the fees are being waived as long as drivers do it quickly. How many people are we talking? About 300,000 people have had their licenses suspended because of unpaid fees. That’s about half the population of the city of Detroit. To their credit, Michigan saw the error of their ways, unlike Illinois, but I can’t imagine I’d be too happy with them if I’ve had my license suspended for the past 15 freaking years, forgiveness or not.

Tesla Fined for Pollution

Tesla, makers of the clean-running, no carbon emissions electric cars for rich people, have been fined for air pollution. Specifically related to the excess nitrogen oxide pollution from the company’s Fremont manufacturing facility, not from the vehicles themselves. Tesla says the emissions were the result of some malfunctioning equipment that has since been resolved, but nevertheless, they have settled the case with California, part of which entails the installation of solar panels on the roof to further drive down the facility’s dependence on fossil fuels. As far as fines go, $140K and a promise to be more energy independent are getting off pretty easy.

Goodyear’s Green Tires

Goodyear is also getting in on the green bandwagon and has unveiled some new tires that are truly ridiculous and have no hope of ever seeing production, but are a neat idea and interesting to look at nonetheless. Basically, it’s an airless tire, which we’ve seen many concepts of previously, made of recycled tires, that features a healthy moss growing between its rigid rubber structures. The moss takes carbon dioxide and generates oxygen from it, and the moss is fed water by the tire, which soaks up some moisture and routes it to the plant. They said it could take as much as 4,000 tons of carbon dioxide out of the air and add as much as 3,000 tons of oxygen. That is, if everyone in a city the size of Paris wanted to drive around with fuzzy green wheels on our cars, which I’m not entirely against! Goodyear also showed off some new tires specifically designed for EVs since apparently traditional tires wear out 30% faster on electric vehicles because of both the weight and force of instant torque just shredding rubber. The new design has a bigger contact patch with the road for more grip and also generates less noise, which is great because EVs are already so quiet, tires do tend to be the loudest thing on them apart from wind, which I doubt Goodyear can do much about. These will be on the road in Europe next year, and they feature a light baby blue paint because that somehow became the official color of hybrids and efficiency.

Ride Hailing Wages In Dispute

A study released by MIT’s Center for Energy and Environmental Policy Research or, as nobody calls it, CEEPR, compared a survey of 1,100 drivers for Uber and Lyft with what they called “detailed vehicle cost information” and found that the median profit for drivers came out to around $3.37 per hour before taxes. It said that as many as 74% of drivers are earning less than the minimum wage their states mandated, all of which means that most people driving for these ride hailing services would be living in poverty. Uber and Lyft were quick to dismiss the study as using shoddy and/or inconsistent data and much of it was self-reported by drivers, who are incentivized to paint a bleak picture of their earnings so the companies will raise their pay rate. The disputes were so strong that one of the paper’s lead authors actually came out and said that he agreed that some of the information could be misleading and that they’d rerun the numbers to try to improve the validity of the study. Either way, ride hailing drivers probably don’t make too much money and MIT students probably don’t have enough oversight in their research.

Audi Debuts (Not Terrible) Flying Car Concept

Flying cars. We’ve all been here before, but Audi has partnered with Airbus and Italdesign to unveil a concept that’s actually not too incredibly terrible. Instead of the tried and dumb design of a car-and-plane-in-one package that is what we commonly think of as a flying car, the Pop.Up Next concept utilizes a three-part system comprised of a passenger pod, a skateboard-like road-going electric vehicle platform that the pod can sit on, and an eight-rotor quad copter-like flying unit that the pod can hang from. The concept video, which looks really neat, shows that Audi knows that only super duper rich white people are going to use this thing, and it’s designed as a sort of taxicab supplement, where you can hop in a pod with the flying unit attached once you get out of your first class or chartered flight, then fly across the city to a lot where the skateboard-EV units are located and the flying unit will land your pod on the wheeled vehicle, sending you on your way to your final destination while the flying pod autonomously flies back to the airport or to a charging station somewhere.

As far as flying car concepts go, this is one of the most well thought out versions, but there are just so many hurdles to get over before these things can ever actually be realized. But the fact that these are fully autonomous gives this a leg up because then you don’t have to license drivers as private pilots, which, given the skill level of most drivers, always seemed like a long shot.

Anything Audi Does Dutch Can Do Better

The Dutch have come along and laughed at Audi’s pitiful attempt at a complicated-ass flying car and said, “No, you krauts, this is how we will get all the rich white peoples' money!” And they tore the cover off the Pal-V Liberty, which is also a flying car, but one of those car-and-plane-in-one package. Except it’s more of a car and a gyro copter, which permits a shorter take-off and landing, which is handy since I don’t think many people have their own runway. What’s different about this is that they say it’s fully road- and air-legal and can be purchased right now, making it what they call the world’s first production flying car. How much does the exclusivity of owning such a thing run? Well, their cheapest bargain basement Liberty Sport model, which comes with flying lessons since a pilot’s license is required, starts at just $368,000, or the price of a really quite nice, large Midwestern home. But can your home fly at 112 miles per hour and get 31 miles per gallon? I didn’t think so. Peasant. 

Renault’s EZ-Go Needs Customers to EZ-Come

Renault, meanwhile, is keeping its autonomous taxi plans completely grounded, but has also unveiled a pretty interesting concept called the EZ-GO. It’s all-electric and features level 4 autonomy as well as an interior that is basically just some benches and a lot of windows. It opens in a sort of clam shell way that would probably be terrible in rain but at least looks neat, and has a flat loading floor to haul wheelchair-bound passengers, which is a nice touch. They foresee this as a solution to ride sharing and ride hailing that cuts out the driver and use of a personal vehicle, which is to say a shared taxi, and are hoping to have operational prototypes on the road in the next four years. Parent company Nissan also owns a stake in a media company, which just so happens to be interested in providing content for passengers to view while riding in the EZ-GO. There were no suggestions on how much rides might cost, but if I’m a captive audience being forced to watch some commercials during my ride, it better be cheap or free.

Mercedes Puts Real Projectors in Your Projectors

Another neat concept shown at the Geneva Motor Show this week was Mercedes’ new projector headlight system. Now, projector headlights have been around for a long time. They use parabolic glass or plastic to project the output of your headlights further. But this is a bit different. Called the “million-pixel” headlight, these will actually project images onto the road ahead of you, warning of upcoming peril, or providing driving tips, or doing neat things like displaying the dimensions of your car to see if you’ll be able to fit in a parallel parking spot (in which, of course, the car will park for you). It can also detect faces and windshields and automatically dim pixels to not blind pedestrians or other drivers, which is a fantastic feature for all the old-ass Mercedes owners who constantly drive around with their brights on. I don’t think it will help them turn off their turn signals or stop mistaking the gas for the brake though. 

Pre-Production Honda CB750 Sets Record

Photo from AutoWeek

In motorcycle news, the Honda CB750 is one of the best selling motorcycles of all time. Well, that’s not the news, actually. It’s old news because they haven’t made the CB750 for decades. But when it came out, it was one of the first bikes to use a four cylinder motor and was pretty powerful. In fact, it’s referred to as the first Universal Japanese Motorcycle, which is sort of a term that covers a bunch of similar Japanese bikes to have similar specs and come out in the 70s and 80s. But the CB750 was the first, and at auction this week, a pre-production model from 1968 built for promotional purposes, and one of two produced prior to the model’s actual release, sold for a record of nearly $264,000. These bikes are so ubiquitous that you can head to craigslist right now and find one for around a grand, so why the markup? There’s exclusivity in being one of the first of the first of a kind.

Elon Set to Make ELOT of Money

Photo from Elon Musk's Instagram

Elon Musk has maintained that he won’t take a salary from Tesla Motors as they ramp up production and start fulfilling the 500,000 reservations for their Model 3, but two of Tesla’s largest shareholders are much more generous to the CEO than he is to himself. They have proposed a vote on a compensation package valued at $2.6 billion, which represents about 5% of Tesla’s market valuation, which some have accurately called ludicrously high. They apparently see it as a showing of support for the guy who has, in their terms, produced some pretty incredible things for the company so far, and they’re not entirely wrong. What he has also done is consistently over-promise and under-deliver while allowing some shady business practices to go unchecked and discourage unionization to protect the workers affected by the shadiness. And here I thought the secret to getting rich was under-promising and over-delivering. Turns out I’ve been doing it wrong my whole life. 

Saudi Sells Billionaire’s Blingy Rides

My house is a nice house, but it only has a two car garage, which is still more garage than many people have, but I think a prerequisite for a next house would be space for a third car. I, however, am not a Saudi billionaire, and it’s a good thing, because my garage space would not remotely be enough to accommodate the car collections of these guys. I’m speaking specifically about Maan al-Senea, who is being detained right now due to debts owed by his company, appropriately called the Saad Group. He owes as much as $16 billion to creditors and in order to pay off some of his debt, the government of Saudi Arabia is selling some of his cars. How far will that go? Well, considering he and his company have 923 vehicles licensed to them, it turns out the sales can go pretty far! I honestly don’t know how you store almost a thousand cars. But I’d sure as hell like to give it a try someday. But, you know, without the billions in debt.

New Cars

Chevy Bolt Rear Seat Delete

I drive a hatchback, which I occasionally use to haul work-related things, and it’s great because I can just fold the back seat down and throw in all my camera gear or whatever I’m toting with me on any given day. Hatchbacks are great for this, but I don’t think I’d ever really consider using one as a commercial hauling vehicle, but Chevy has decided that some people do actually think that’s a good idea, and that the best way to accomplish this is to take their all-electric Chevy Bolt and throw out its back seat, giving you plenty of space to store...whatever it is you have to take to your job site. I should caveat this by saying that you won’t actually be able to order a Chevy Bolt Rear Seat Delete (as they’re calling the package) because it’s restricted to government or fleet orders and is available as a $350 add-on. Which, when you think about it makes sense, because only the government would find it rational to pay hundreds of dollars more to get less of something.

Mahindra Roxor

If you haven’t heard of Mahindra, I don’t blame you. They’re an Indian automobile manufacturer who produces quite a few vehicles, just none of which come to the States. They’ve also had a license to produce replicas of the old Willy's Jeep for some time, and now, for the first time, they’re going to start releasing those replicas for sale in the US, and they’ll be made in Michigan! Mechanically, they are extremely similar to the old CJ-model Jeeps (before it was called the Wrangler), but it uses a unique power plant; a small diesel and manual transmission. Unfortunately, safety standards have advanced a tad since the 1940s, so while these are remarkably similar to the old models, they are most definitely not road legal. So if you’re in the market for a fun trail vehicle or a little utility all-terrain vehicle like the Polaris Ranger but want some vintage style, this thing is for you. Oh, and it’s also $15,000 so you could buy one or just buy a used Wrangler for less money and be able to drive it on the road. Your choice.

Obituaries

Volkswagen Beetle

We learned this week that the plucky Volkswagen Beetle will be discontinued after the current generation, though we don’t know when that will be. As all Volkswagens start to move over to the fabulous MQB platform, the Beetle doesn’t really fit and, as Research & Development boss Frank Welsch said, there’s only so many times you can have a “new new new new Beetle.” As it leaves, the new I.D. Buzz, the retro-futuristic electric minibus will be taking its place as the nostalgic vehicle in the VW lineup, albeit with a decidedly modern flair and probably no vase for flowers tucked into the dash.

Also last week was the Geneva Motor Show in Switzerland, and I’ve talked in the last few weeks about how so many cars had been unveiled online before appearing at the actual show. It really kind of took the wind out of the sails for the whole thing, and I wasn’t expecting to have a whole lot of new material for my usual Rap-up. So instead, in last week's podcast, I put together a little diddy that sort of expresses how I feel about this year’s event. If you haven't listened already, check it out!

Authored by
Devlin Riggs

Headlines for the week of February 5th, 2018

Super Bowl Commercial Round-up

The Super Bowl was last weekend and it may have been one of those occasions where the game was actually more interesting than the commercials. Except for the Tide ads, those were great. We seemed to have far fewer car commercials than usual this year, but a few featured prominently.

Jeep had several ads talking about roads and going off of them and even had Doctor Ian Malcolm being chased by a T-Rex in a Jurassic Park throwback ad, which was clever but not especially impactful. Overall I got a very “meh” feeling from Jeep.

Hyundai had an ad where they tried to be profound by telling drivers of their vehicles at the Super Bowl that they helped contribute to cancer research but it ended up looking more awkward than anything else. 

Toyota tried to go the funny route by uniting a bunch of unfunny holy people in a Tundra to go root for the same football team as some sort of “God Squad.” I guess they were trying to walk the line between a profound “look at us all being together as one” and funny buddy comedy, but it just fell flat into boringtown.

But boringtown was anywhere but where Ram went after their ad aired. Fiat Chrysler’s truck brand’s commercial focused on service and utilized a portion of Dr. Martin Luther King Junior’s “Drum Major Instinct” sermon. The backlash was swift and ruthless, calling the ad exploitative and out-of-step with the legacy of Dr. King. There’s actually some great irony in the fact that, later on in the same sermon, Dr. King warns parishioners of the dangers of advertising and capitalism, and how the man will try to sell you expensive cars you don’t need.

Conveniently, that bit was not included in the selected audio for the commercial, which showed clips of Ram owners using their trucks to apparently give back to their communities. There’s an old saying in PR that any press is good press and while Dodge, Ram and Fiat Chrysler are all feeling the burn from using Dr. King’s speech out of context, granted with the blessing of the organization that sells the rights to use Dr. King’s speeches (apparently against the will of his estate and foundation), guess what we’re all talking about? The new Ram. Well played, Ram. 

Labor Pains

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago how German steel workers were going on strike to get the option of working 28-hour work weeks for a couple of years to care for family members and some other various benefits. Well guess who gave in? Yep, the German Unions wore down the companies and factory workers will now get the option to go part time for a while and return to full time work with no penalties. Lucky bastards.

Photo by Reuters

Meanwhile back here in America, former Fiat Chrysler Automobiles labor relations chief Alphons Iacobelli accepted a plea deal for his role in siphoning off more than $4.5 million in training center funds to union and company personnel. The fact that he was offered a deal indicates Iacobelli was ready to roll over on others who played a part in paying UAW officials $1.5 million to sway union negotiations in the company’s favor, rather than looking out for the workers who paid their dues to ensure the union looked out for them. So the plea deal here isn’t the end. Instead it’s somewhere in the middle as this scandal starts to spiral out. The FBI has also begun asking questions about current contracts because although companies and the union both insist this activity was in the past, officials aren’t convinced. In related news, I’m thinking of starting an auto worker’s union. Who’s in?

F1’s GridKids and FE’s New Digs

In racing news this week, Formula E unveiled their new race cars for next year, which look like a mashup of Formula 1, IndyCar and LeMans prototype, all to good effect. But the changes aren’t just cosmetic. The cars will be faster and have nearly twice the energy storage capacity, doubling range, demonstrating the drastic evolution that’s taken place in battery technology recently. The cars also feature the protective “halo” that is being rolled out to Formula 1 cars to protect drivers. With Jaguar, Nissan, Audi and Porsche all taking part next year, and with the cars being faster and more aggressive than ever, this could be the turning point that makes Formula E a legitimate racing series. Or we could end up with a glorified marketing showcase that features precious little go-karts that operate on a slightly faster scale than you can do in some indoor arena near your house.

Photo by Formula E (Twitter)

Meanwhile in Formula 1, the changes taking place there this year won’t be limited to the cars. Following the #metoo and time’s up movements and widespread allegations of workplace abuse, F1 has decided it will no longer objectify women by using the pretty ones as Grid Girls from this season on. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the sexes are equal. We still don’t have any female F1 drivers on the horizon, but at least it’s an overdue step in the right direction. In their place will be some adorable GridKids, sort of like the ones you see walking out professional soccer players. So Formula E gets faster and Formula 1 gets less sexy, but also cuter. 

When your Kids are Sheep

In other kid news, a new service funded by Jaguar Land Rover is enlisting Land Rover Discovery LR4s to take kids to school in Massachusetts. The service, called Sheprd, is described as Uber meets the School Bus and provides parents the opportunity to book rides for their kids to one of the 70+ partner institutions in Newton, Massachusetts. It’s $17 per ride, per child, regardless of distance, which sounds like a not bad deal, considering it’s a luxury ride with a driver who faces much stricter rules than any old Uber or Lyft yahoo. This type of service has been around for a few years apparently, and I did actually see some minivans in Boston when I was there with big yellow “School Bus” signs and flashing red lights on the top. My immediate reaction was of course, “Sorry, Chrysler Town & Country, but you are not a school bus." Turns out, they are sort of sanctioned that way. Go figure. In any case, if you’re rich and think the ol’ big yellow fellow is too pedestrian for your offspring and you happen to live in Newton, Massachusetts, look up Sheprd.

Buick’s Wagon “Problem”

Despite Buick’s inability to make good commercials, they do actually make an interesting car now with the Regal TourX. Originally, Buick only figured the wagon would account for about 30 percent of their sales, but based on its popularity so far, around 50 percent of Regal sales could be the TourX wagon. But according to Phil Brook, Buick’s US Vice President of Marketing and Horrible Music Choices, its popularity all comes down to how they pitch it. Instead of calling it a wagon, Buick is all like "it's a crossover!" because instead of trying to change the ridiculous, dated perception that wagons are boring boats for big families, Buick, who themselves are trying to overcome dated perceptions, would rather take the easy route and just call their wagon something it is not. So while they say crossover, we’ll know the truth, and so will your eyes, because that thing is glorious and it’s a wagon! 

Mitsubishi’s Good News/Bad News

Hey, remember Mitsubishi? They made the Eclipse and Lancer Evolution and the Montero and they were cool and good. Well, now they make the Outlander and the Outlander Sport and a few old Mirages, but mostly crossovers. Turns out people are still buying them for some reason! Last year, for the first time since 2007, Mitsubishi sold more than 100,000 vehicles in the US, with their Outlander Models comprising more than ⅔ of that volume. With the upcoming Eclipse Cross bastardization, I mean crossover, that’s likely to tick up even further and could mean six years of steadily increasing sales for a brand struggling to find relevance in a very competitive market. 

At the same time, in the last two weeks, Mitsubishi has also had to recall more than 368,000 vehicles for parking brake, sunroof, stalling and other issues. If your math needs a bit of a refresher, that’s more than three times the total amount of cars they sold last year, which only demonstrates the scope of the problems the brand is going through. It’s difficult for me to really root for a brand that consistently kills off their interesting cars in favor of bland and uncompetitive crossovers, but it sounds like Mitsubishi needs all the help it can get, so good luck, guys.

SUVs Keep Rolling

Even though they’ve killed off the good cars, Mitsubishi does have the right idea, and it’s showing with increased sales. Crossovers and SUVs are hot. They’re the reason Honda has told us not to expect another S2000 roadster and why Nissan keeps kicking the Z can down the road, which sucks, but is understandable. As a case in point, consider Mazda. In January, Mazda sold more CX-5 compact crossovers than every other model in their lineup combined. So that’s the 3, the 6, the Miata, CX-3, CX-7 and CX-9. All of those together sold fewer than the 13,463 CX-5s that sold last month alone. And for good reason. They’re good cars. Several of my friends own them and so do many of my neighbors. But when asked by one of those friends why I didn’t consider one when buying the GTI, you may recall I mentioned that I wanted something that felt special. In all of last year, Volkswagen sold just more than 20,000 GTIs in the US. In one month, Mazda sold way more than half as many CX-5s. They’re not exactly special. But they are really, really good cars. For compact crossovers, I mean. Whatever.

But Mazda’s not alone here, and it’s not just limited to compact crossovers either. Big SUVs are going gangbusters. So much so that Ford can’t keep up with the demand for the new Lincoln Navigator. They’ve never had to make so many, so they simply can’t keep up with the number of buyers knocking down their door. And, just to prove everything is relative, “so many” in the case of the Lincoln Navigator means they sold fewer than 1,300 last month, which is actually on pace to be more special than the GTI. Then again, I don’t have $72,000 to drop on a gargantuan SUV that gets 18 miles per gallon combined.

But where Mazda and Ford are seeing success, Fiat Chrysler is being, well, Fiat Chrysler. Turns out, nobody wants or trusts that their Maserati Levante SUV will hold up to the rigors of driving. Demand is so low for the big, expensive, pointless SUV that the factory in Turin, Italy will have its working hours cut by 59 percent until July, when they’ll reevaluate their life choices, or at the very least their product mix.

Robocop (But for Real)

Autonomous vehicles aren’t just going to make driving easier for us, they’re apparently going to make catching us when we’re driving quickly even easier too. That’s because this week we learned that Ford has filed a patent for an autonomous police vehicle that would be fitted with a learning brain that will know how to find good hiding spots to catch speeders and other various vehicular evildoers.

Fortunately, it seems like this is yet another one of those patents that is intentionally vague because the people filing it have no idea how it would work or how they might create such a machine. Again, this makes me wonder what the function of patents are other than to settle the “I thought of it first” legal fights, but I’m comforted to know that if SkyNet ends up happening and the robots take over, it won’t start in our cars.

Airbnb for Garages

As society continues to compact itself into cities, life with a vehicle becomes a little tougher. Whether it’s finding a place to plug in your hybrid or just finding a flat spot to change your oil, garages are pretty useful for car owners. Yet some lucky jerks who have more money than cars may have some free garage spots sitting unused while a gear head is looking for a spot to get some quick wrenching done. Well, like everything else, now there’s an app for that. Garage Time is like the Airbnb for garages, where garage owners with space to spare can list their garage for an hourly rental fee to others interested in using it. Similar services with DIY car workshops have started cropping up in some cities, but nothing quite this peer-to-peer yet. I think it’s a neat idea, and I could certainly spare someone my garage if they needed it, but strangers? I have enough trouble losing hammers by myself.

Yet Another Meaningless Degree

Great news this week in believers of an impossible future, you can now receive a degree in flying car engineering! That is, if you don’t mind going to a school nobody has ever heard of and attending classes digitally. Udacity, which is apparently an online school started by a former Stanford University professor, already teaches a self-driving car program that has attracted 50,000 students since it started in 2016 and founder Sebastian Thrun is expecting at least 10,000 students to sign up for the flying car program. Although this doesn’t offer anything like a bachelor’s degree, it doesn’t cost nearly as much, running around $1,200 per term and also doesn’t require you to take electives like Mongolian Literature or Intro to Sub-Sarahran Political Science. Thrun says that this program is intended to solve the huge shortage of engineers capable of working on such technology, but if the choices are wait a little longer for a well-engineered flying car or get one sooner but it’s been designed by someone who paid less than three grand and took courses in his parents basement in between Overwatch gaming matches, I think I’ll pick the former.

VaLet’s take the Ferrari

Back when I lived in Los Angeles, I remember vividly an occasion in Malibu where I gave a valet my keys and, when sitting down at my table on the patio, definitely heard the squealing tires and unmistakable NISMO exhaust of my G35 as the asshole peeled out in my car, going to park it. I was pissed but wrote it off as some kid having fun. I would have been a whole lot more pissed if he had given my keys to someone else who simply insisted my G35 was their car, even without a valet ticket.

Well, that’s just what happened, except instead of Malibu it was St. Petersburg, Florida and instead of my crappy old, but lovely G35, it was some lawyer’s Ferrari 458 Spider. Fortunately for the attorney, police caught the would-be thief as he tried to enter a highway because he apparently didn’t have the lights on and wasn’t able to drive the supercar very well. When asked for a reason why he might trick a dumb valet into giving him the keys, the driver said he was trying to impress his date. And nothing impresses a date more than a rap sheet including grand theft and possession of cocaine. Because of course he had cocaine. It’s Florida!

One Giant Leap Backwards for Man

In other rich people news, you may know that money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a highly customized Aston Martin Valkyrie. It can also buy you an actual rock from earth’s moon. Apparently some entrepreneur and instagram user with a bunch of fancy cars is having his moon rock ground into dust and used in the mix of his Valkyrie’s Karosserie Lunar Red paint. Not that you’ll probably be able to tell. It’s not like the moon is sitting up there in the sky sparkling like a diamond. It’ll probably just make the paint’s finish a little more dull. But Spacepaint! 

Authored by
Devlin Riggs